What If We Really Did Have ‘All the Resources We Ever Needed’?
Just Tell Me!
If you’ve ever worked with a coach, or been around personal growth of any sort, even had a mentor, or a loving teacher, then you might have heard them say,
You have all the resources / answers you need…
That phrase use to annoy me when I was on the other end of it. I would feel frustration bubbling and all I wanted was that person to give me an answer.
If I have my own answers then why am I asking you!!?? Why am I still struggling with X? Why isn’t the answer (that I’m supposed to know!) obvious to me??
It seemed like a cop-out— if there really was an answer then why didn’t the coach or the person I was asking just tell me?
It’s Easy to Be a ‘Helping Hand’
I suspect we’ve all been there, on one side, or another, and the problem is that most people will actually give us an answer—who doesn’t like to give advice or a ‘helping’ hand, right? What I’ve come to realise, though, is that we do have more resources than we think, but that, in my frustration, I wasn’t seeing what the word ‘resources’ can actually mean.
Which doesn’t mean we should never ask for, or give, information or solution based answers—there’s a whole world of difference between knowing the pipe in my bathroom is broken and I need to get it fixed (common sense) and knowing how to fix it (some expertise in plumbing or the ability to ask for the number of a reliable plumber).
When Water’s Pouring Through the Metaphorical Ceiling…
When the water’s pouring through the metaphorical ceiling, we don’t need to be told that we have our own answers, we need a calming voice telling us it’s OK, it’s going to get fixed and why don’t we pop next door for a cup of tea and the phone number of the person who recently did such a great job in their bathroom.
We know that it’s going to be OK, but we don’t always know it in the moment.
Where Solutions Come From
These days, I hear this phrase ‘having all the answers’ very differently. I don’t take it to mean that I have the answer, but that I, like you, have access to the place where answers come from.
Meaning that, no matter what, I am always OK, because I am infinitely resourceful.
With infinite resourcefulness, there is nothing that can phase me, or set me back, or send me off track, or damage me. Except in the very short term when I lose sight of my own capacity.
Sure, I might have water up to my ankles from a burst pipe, and I might be wet and homeless for a couple of weeks, but, in my infinite resourcefulness, I can figure out what to do, who to call, who to stay with, and what to take with me. And, if I forget something, I can go back to get it.
It’s my resourcefulness that is the magic potion in my arsenal of being human, not the library of how much I can remember or how many previously-played-out scenarios I can hold in my head.
Infinite Innovation…
The implications of this are boundless.
In any situation, no matter what ‘life’ throws at me, I will, at some point, come up with what to do next. It might not work out and I might turn the water in the direction of gushing faster before I turn it off, but I can do something.
Which means that…
…my, and your, clients, mentees, children (and substitute whoever’s in your life: staff, colleagues, partner, friends or loved ones) are always OK because they too have access to the pot of infinite resourcefulness.
Which means that…
…they too can design the most fitting, the most appropriate, the most creative solution for them. They have the answers they need — not because they literally have them, not because of what they know, but because of who they are, and what that means.
The Potential, Not the Literal
The very thing that makes us alive is the same thing that gives us the capacity to think; to come up with new ideas, new solutions, or to be able to get a new perspective on our situation.
We all know from experience, answers don’t come from ‘worrying’ a problem like a dog with a favourite chew toy.
They don’t come from looking for a solution in what we already know — how many brainstorming exercises have you done only to have a fabulous new idea pop up in the shower when you’ve put the question out of your mind? Maybe, instead of sweating the solutions, you and your colleagues should have taken a walk for a half an hour and used the meeting time to collate each others’ ideas…
The Ultimate Creative Tool
When we leave space for solutions to arise we will inevitably come up with something fresh, maybe something we did before, but it’s something we were unable to see in our frustration.
When we know that answers will come, and we trust in letting go of attaching ourselves to finding a solution right now!, then we become free to allow the space of creativity to exist, and, surprise surprise, something usually pops in to fill it.
Resist Leaping
If you find yourself on the other side of this, why not play with resisting the leap? Don’t look for an answer, let one arise when it’s ready. Test the notion that ideas will come when they are ready, not when you think they should be ready.
Most of us have very little practice at only listening, listening at a deeper level than the content; we’re very fast to rush in with an answer. The plumber might bring you decades of information and expertise, but that’s a different animal to the wise one who points out your own infinite potential.
‘Having the answer’ means that we have the capacity to come up with answers.
And that’s something pretty powerful; much more powerful than you might realise in your search for solutions.
As a suggestion, why not, when you find yourself in those moments of desperately seeking answers, experiment with taking it as a signal to pause, breath, and allow space for what you already know to reveal itself.
You might be surprised at how easy this it.
With love,
Cathy