Leadership in the New Normal (part four): Visions, Goals and Self-Flagellation. Are you scoring an ‘own goal’ with your goal-setting??

The Sticky Middle Ground…

I did wonder whether there was much new to be said in the area of vision, goals-setting and why we seem to set one course and take another...

But yes, it turns out this is still a topic that causes confusion, sometimes frustration, and often comes with an unhealthy dose of ‘should’ or ‘have to’, or an unhealthy dose of self-questioning at the mild end, and self-criticism at the more severe end.

On the call yesterday, my own assumption was confirmed—the area where we get most stuck is what I’m calling ‘the middle ground’. I don’t mean those covid kilos settling round my waist, but the place where we think goal-setting takes place, all the work we do at the end of the year to decide what we want and how to get there… yes that.

It seems to me that we do pretty well when we’re asked to identify something on the horizon—a guiding beacon, or a ‘feeling’ of what we’re up to in the world or in our role.

It can be as general as, I want to light a spark in people (and that came up, in one form or another for most of us).

Or it can be more specific, I help doctors help patients, as one of my former clients shared with me last week on a catch-up call.

And, when we are quiet with ourselves, when we are less of ‘us’, and more of a wider ‘listening’, it’s obvious what do to next. The ‘work’ creates itself. There is no ‘for the sake of’ no target, no timescale. There is just a sense of obviousness and simplicity.

It’s so simple!

Said one of the participants yesterday as she laughed at herself for not seeing what her next ‘job’ was.

The ‘sticky’ ground, as another participant put it, is when we try to figure out the route from here to there, that it’s on us, that there something to figure out, to plan, to be on, or off course from… oh dear.

And sure, I’m not saying those things don’t have a point, but they’re not really the point of ‘the work’ and as a go-to place for getting clarity and inspiration they are simply sad failures for self-flagellation.

Which brings me to the second piece, perhaps the cause of the first one, because once this dissolves, then the whole problem of this ‘middle distance’ simply dissolves…

The ‘self’…

I know it looks as if it’s ‘on us’, and your definition of ‘self’ is another rich seam of exploration in life and leadership, but the more ‘self’ there is, the harder this ‘job’ seems to be,

What if your only job was to listen for, become attuned to, and then act on, the inspiration and wisdom that is already there?

If you get it you get it, as some of the participants on the call did yesterday—I saw the lightbulbs flashing and the laughter marking the insights.

Another of the participants shared how much he’s learned that living and working this way is so much easier—and more productive. Absolutely. When you get it, you get it, and you wonder where this insight has been all your life.

Or you might not get it. Even reading this it could sound like a foreign language, confusing ‘instructions’ that seem to create more, not less noise.

But maybe it isn’t a bad thing, it’s that natural thrashing we do when we’re learning to swim.

It’s OK, you’ll float!

Words that I know to be true, both in the pool and in life. But words, I know, that were not at all reassuring to my five year old self pushed in without my arm bands for the first time and feeling like I’m drowning. I realise that my mother knew I would not drown but it isn’t how I taught my children to swim.

And this is one of the reasons I love that we are able to come together on these kinds of calls, It’s kind of a toe-in-the-water equivalent of an exploration my clients have already embarked on. It’s a way to consider something perhaps new, to see how the water looks and get a sense of your own, and my orientation, and whether there is any common ground there.

And that takes us back to the idea of a sticky middle. We can all see, or feel that beacon on the horizon, although it’s more like a sense of being a part of the universe on a starry night, and we can all get quiet and access the feeling of what comes next.

If only we weren’t so attached to the idea that us ‘taking control’ is really the best way to make things happen!

Resilience, Self-Reliance and Renewal…

How do we get up every day and engage with the people and work around us, no matter how we feel. How can we let go of what happened yesterday and not allow it to weigh over us today? Where does ‘resilience’ come from? These are flavours of what we explored in the fifth and final session of this series. As usual, the recap is intentionally light as the power is really in the experience not in reading about the experience.

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With love,

Cathy